Why hello there, and welcome back to Kitchen Catastrophe, where, in a world where I had more spine, I’d have called out this post in exchange for having to re-code our anchor links. Fortunately for you, I am a coward, and thus I sat for hours last night pondering what we’d give to you all today, on a day when I have nothing to spare, and said…”That sounds like a perfect time for Left-overs”

THUS, for what maybe the second time in site history, we’re doing a ‘directory post’! What does that mean? It means there’s not going to be a ton of new content in this post, rather, I’m really just going to dump out a bunch of links to older posts, reheated and recontextualized for the moment(s)

Specifically, this year/upcoming week has a rather tightly packed one-two punch of culinary feats to figure out: Sunday is the Super B-attle of the NFC and AFC Champions, and Monday is Valentine’s Day. So you’ve got a lot of menus to hammer out really quick. Thus, I have arrived to help you, with a curated selection of dishes from our posts!

For the Partiers

So first of all, and most relevantly, we have our previous pre-party post, where we laid out recipes from our first few years that would make good food for, say, a football game, as well as a discussion on what kind of foods exactly you WANT at such a party: I specifically laid out the theory that for a respectable spread, you want “crispies” (things with texture that crunch: chips, party mix, nachos, etc), “dunks” (dips, salsas, ranch dressing, etc), “Meaties” (both things with meat/with enough weight to feel like a meal), “Veggies” (that one shouldn’t need explaining.) and “Sweets” (not necessarily desserts, but something sweet or acidic will help bring some lightness to what is often a very greasy day.)

This is one of the HEALTHIER spreads I’ve seen, and it has a stack of quesadillas in the middle of it.

Of course, that was back in January 2019, so since then we’ve posted PLENTY of recipes that I think deserve consideration for the Football Feast Table: I made a list of no less than 20, but that felt excessive (especially since I’ve also got to do links for the Valentine’s day stuff afterward), so I’ve trimmed it down to some highlights.

Obviously, since they were made in honor of the respective teams, the Cincinnati Chili of Monday, and last year’s Cubanos, or 2020’s Burnt Ends could all work: I think the Cubanos are the least relevant, other than maybe as a potential send-off for potentially retired Brady. But that’s a lot of work to say goodbye to a guy who ain’t even playing. The Burnt Ends are more just classic barbecue, while of course the chili’s the most apropos, and if you go back to 2019, we did French Dips for the Rams when they last got in. I felt they were kind of factored in, though.

Man, what should we eat for the big game?
If only there were some suggestions…

So what have we got besides recipes specifically made for the event?

Well, if you want some hot dog recipes, we’ve got a Chili Dog recipe (though the Cincinnati Chili above could do that) as well as the more elaborate/impressive Grilled Cheese Hot Dogs. We also made a Seattle Dog and a Seoul Dog, mainly useful as lesser-used ingredients to consider if you’re making like a hot-dog or hamburger service bar.

We have done a TON of burgers since then: we had a whole MONTH of Asian-based Burgers, any of which COULD work as an option. But beyond that, we had the smash burgers, and the Aussie Burgers. You could also, for a veggie option, include the Fried Cauliflower Sandwich, as a sort of Veggie Burger/Chicken Sandwich alternative

We’ve done two types of tacos, one in honor of my father, and another stuffed with roasted broccoli, another easy way to get some veggies built in.

If you want some real meat-forward options, the Pok Pok Fish Sauce Wings are amazing, if powerfully scented. These Gochujang Meatballs are also very good, as is the Australasian pulled pork. Another meaty option is the Muffuletta sandwich, though maybe you want to hold on for the Saints on that one. In a similar vein, we’ve got our quirky Hawaiian party rolls, which you can simplify by getting a pre-made furikake blend, and change up with different meat or cheese options.

For non-meats, we’ve got a slew of Pimento Cheeses to serve as dunks, and Fried Chickpeas for a Crispy.

That enough for you all to find something you like? I sure hope so, because I’m moving on to the other half of today’s post. Those lonely hearts in need of guidance for Valentine’s Day.

For the Paramours

Now, for Valentine’s day, there’s a LOT more leeway. We talked about this YEARS ago, but what makes a meal romantic is infused with a LOT of variables. The simple act of getting food for your significant other makes the gesture, to some extent, romantic. It doesn’t HAVE to be fancy, or home-made. If your partner likes a specific fast food place, get them that. If you guys have a memory of a specific food, use that. If a person truly loves you, what they want from you is to know that you ‘hear’ them, that you love them, and that you treasure your time and experiences with them. I cannot help you with any of that.

Would I normally suggest a Little Caesar’s Hot-n-Ready? No. But if it’s what works for you, that’s great, man.

What I CAN help with is if, for whatever reason, those aren’t options/you don’t think they’re enough. Maybe it’s out of budget, maybe it’s against goals you guys have set for yourselves, maybe you’re too new of a relationship to HAVE “your spot”. Or maybe part of the fun is trying new things. Building new memories, making fun tweaks to what’s worked before. If THAT’S the case, then let me unload a couple recipes for you, with my explanation for why I think they’re helpful. (Editor’s note: I probably left out a couple good options, because I stopped looking at the same point (January 2019) as I did for the Football recipes, because…man, how many links do you WANT? (Also because I have only just gotten to December 2019 in the link re-coding, so I’m hoping to get all of these properly linked up before the post goes live.) )

So, what are we looking for? It has to match one of two criteria: it’s gotta be fairly fast, or it’s gotta be fairly hands-off/make-ahead. This is a Monday night V-Day this year, so things you can make and chill the day before are great, as are things that come together in under 30 minutes. I also wanted to spotlight mostly lean proteins: If you want steak, I presume you already have a recipe for steak (also, in my opinion, it’s easier to avoid over-indulging on chicken or pork than it is on red meat.)

For vegetables, I have four (well, technically five) options: Creamed Leeks are rich, warm, and soft , and cook fairly slowly and hand-off on the stovetop. While I don’t have a recipe for it, from a semi-scientific perspective, a salad of Spinach leaves, with slices of apple and fennel, cacao nibs, and a raspberry vinaigrette is…kind of chemically composed to be conducive to amor. In a similar salad situation, Caesar green beans, as a sturdier counterpoint if you feel like bagged Caesar salads from the store aren’t flashy enough, are a quick and easy option. (as are any “crisp vegetables cooked and tossed in a dressing you know you’ll both like”). And Miso-roasted Asparagus: while Asparagus can be a fraught food for romantic times, it supposedly is helpful in…shall we say, boosting the fellows’ swimmers. And less directly clinical, it’s a recipe that can apply to several types of veggies, meaning you could do squash, carrots, parsnips, whatever. It’s also like, 8 minutes of cooking in the oven, while most of my main suggestions use the stove top. Speaking of:

For the mains, as I noted, they’re mostly white meat. The only exception is our “recipe-less ragu”, which you could make Sunday and reheat Monday , or, if you’re home 3-4 hours before dinner, is a mostly hands-off recipe. Hell, you could cook it DURING the game on Sunday. That one out of the way, I’ve got at least three options for chicken dishes: Chicken Marsala for something more Italian, Za’atar Crusted Chicken for something a little more daring and exotic (since it is quasi-deep-fried), and Easy Chicken Parmesan, for something a little more Italian-American. The other meat option I have, and the dish in question is quite a spectacle, is the Pork Tenderloin with Caramellized Citrus Crust.

If you want to skip meat for the main, I do have a couple options, though tragically I couldn’t find a vegan option that I was confident endorsing, unless you make vegan buttermilk, which the internet tells me is possible, in which case these Fried Cauliflower Sandwiches (or our older Cauliflower Steaks) could work. As long as you can do vegetarian options, we’ve got some lined up: Cacio e Pepe is simple yet sophisticated when it comes out right. The CInq A Sept Grilled Cheese was built upon the idea of being decadent (and amorous). You could do a cheesy polenta as a side for one of the meat mains.

Every time I read or say “cheesy polenta”, I remember the line “easy selector” from Selector. Which is a 20 year old song from a Welsh reggae metal band.. Which is a very confusing but solid insight into the madness that is my mind.

Lastly, some dessert options: I would be remiss if I DIDN’T mention the Triple Chocolate Mousse Cake, as a decadent finisher, though it is CERTAINLY something you need to make Sunday evening. Similarly, but less labor-intensive, there’s the Buttermilk Panna Cottas, which you can make in like, 10 minutes the night before, and serve the day of (though I would personally consider adding something to them: a macerated berry topping (“macerated” just means “tossed in some sugar and left to ooze out juice”) or even a drizzle of chocolate syrup would probably work. If you’re looking for something a little more showy, you can of course try Bananas Foster.

If it were me, for instance, I’d probably go for Chicken Marsala, Creamed Leeks, Spinach Salad and Panna Cotta. That’s a 4-piece meal you can make with 10 minutes on Sunday and 40 on Monday. It’s got sweet, savory, a little wine, a little rich cream. Or, if you wanted to go more decadent, you could do some steaks, Miso-roasted asparagus, and Triple Chocolate Mousse Cake. Front load the work on Sunday, get a lot of those rich foods the day of. OR, if you’re digging something chocolatey, but a little less involved, check us out Monday for a recipe that’s sweet and spicy.

Anyway, it’s now like, 2 AM Friday, because somehow these “just throw up a bunch of links, it’ll be easy” posts take a lot more effort than you’d think, so I’m going to pass out, and hopefully get this up to you Friday afternoon. G’night.