Why Hello there, and welcome back to Kitchen Catastrophe, where we can only hope to stop the ever-burning flames of our desires. I’m your…I don’t know what, Jon O’Guin. Today, we’re making Creamed Leeks, which I am only just now realizing has a name with some very inappropriate innuendos, for which I am filled with shame and regret. If you just want the recipe, here’s the link. For everyone else, let’s dig in.

Making The Most of It

Ladies. Gentlemen. Unspecified Others. I have a confession to make. Today’s post marks a grim milestone: We are now HALFWAY THROUGH A THEME MONTH!

ANNOYING PARTY BLOWER NOISE

Yeah, I wasn’t ACTUALLY going to give you all bad news. In this economy? No no. Instead, I wanted to reveal the OTHER reason I’ve been so obsessed with José Andres for the past couple weeks, which was that I was using his cookbook to make a theme month easier. We are now 3 posts through Meatless March, which has no affiliation with Meatless May of 2019. (Look, is that going to become a thing? Probably/possibly. It’s a very convenient mechanism to discuss vegetarian dishes). However, I can guarantee you that I didn’t PLAN for this to be a sequel, because, fun fact: I didn’t plan to do this MONTH at all, Nate did!

And maybe that’s why he’s been more helpful than usual the last couple weeks with recipes, BUT, for a basic summary: back in January/February, I was scheduling out what I’d do for the next couple weeks, and OH GOD THE PATREON. I have only just now realized I haven’t put anything on the site for like, 6 weeks. God DAMNIT. That’s very upsetting. Sorry, I’ve had a very weird last couple months, and realizing that I let that drop completely is an emotional blow…Alright, what was I saying? Oh yeah, back in January/February, I was planning all the dishes I would make. And I set aside that the last dish of February would be a vegetable based one, because I like to try and get one vegetarian or vegan meal in per month, and February was a lot of Desserts, complicated soups, long-prep sandwiches, etc. Well, for some reason, as I’m explaining this in early February, Nate gets taken with the idea of “mmm. I don’t want to do a vegetable dish this month. What if, instead, Jon has to do Meatless March?” And he pitched it a couple times, and I, kind of shocked and excited to have ANY kind of direct and positive input, immediately agreed. So I gave myself a month of work because Nate wanted to put off making a decision. A very O’Guin move.

We refer once more to Operation “Jon’s Birthday Party is in 7 hours, let’s find, buy, and INSTALL a new Fridge for the event.”
The Fridge looks more ominous than usual because the light in the room died, and we haven’t replaced it because we’re discussing potentially replacing the fixture.

Now, today’s post marks the LAST of the recipes from Vegetables Unleashed, with our last 2 Meatless options being a little more…off the beaten path, as it were. BUT I wanted to close out with this because A: It actually fits the upcoming holiday for reasons we’ll get into in a minute, and B…decadence.

By which I mean, as José highlights in the book, and, interestingly, was discussed in a recent SortedFood video, there is a long-standing association of vegetables and vegan/vegetarian options as “health” food. And sure, there’s validity to the idea that eating less meat is healthier. BUT…sometimes you want to go hard. You want a big, decadent gut-buster of a meal. You want oozing, creamy, gooey…whatever. You don’t eat a hot fudge sundae because you want calcium, you eat it for the experience. And it’s important to find, highlight, and, if necessary, CREATE those moments in the vegetarian and vegan sphere.

You want to know a vegetarian dish? Apple Pie a la Mode. I would go so far as to say MOST desserts are vegetarian. Vegan…that gets a little trickier, but with like, Olive oil cakes and coconut milk ice-cream, not all THAT much harder.

I thought I had a picture of some coconut milk ice cream, but it turns out that was a hallucination. Instead, enjoy this 1-ingredient Banana Ice Cream I made years ago. (The ingredient is Banana. You can blend frozen bananas into ice cream.)

So I wanted a show-stopper. Something that clearly wasn’t pulling any punches by being veggie-based. And I found Creamed Leeks. And to explain why that fits the holiday, let’s hop over for a second before we get to whipping this thing up.

Green (and White) with Envy

So, when it comes to Ireland, the world knows ALL ABOUT the Cabbage.

Pictured: What most people think all Irish food looks like.

Cabbage this and that, Cabbage and Corned Beef, Cabbage and Bacon, Colcannon, so on and so forth. But that’s by no means the only vegetable eaten on Irish tables. Indeed, Leeks naturally grow wild in Ireland. While I was debating what to make for St Paddy’s Day back in January, I stumbled upon a restaurant in Dublin that makes a Leek Terrine. which, if you’ve forgotten our Terrine recipe from years ago, is basically a kind of almost jello-mold: you boil some leeks, press them in a mold overnight, and the natural fibers in them (pectin) get squished out, and ‘set’, gluing the softened vegetables together. It’s an interesting idea I was completely unable to convince my family to get behind.

So, inspired by the Leeks of…oh, don’t you worry, I’ll remember an Irish town starting with an L…hmmm…LIMERICK. Damn, that took too long. Anywho, I was kind of on a St Paddy’s Day = Leeks idea, and then José’s book had two recipes for leeks, one using cream, which really motivated me, because dairy (particularly cream and butter) are also famous Irish ingredients/products.

Irish Dairy comes from Drunken Cows.

Thus, the day was set: I’d be making Creamed Leeks. Is it a hard recipe? Let’s find out.

A Lil’ Bit of a Leek

This recipe is horrendously easy. Now, that doesn’t mean it’s fool-proof (indeed, I almost mess it up), but on a conceptual level, it FEELS pretty damn close. So, how do you make Creamed leeks? You cut some leeks into rings, and simmer them in cream.

That’s it. Technically, my recipe goes for a couple more flourishes, but that’s the basic set-up: reduce seasoned cream around some leeks until it forms a sauce and leeks are very tender, and you’re done. That is no small part on why I felt permitted to have a quick breakdown about the Patreon thing: we have TONS of free-space to fill on this baby. There is like, a 5-6 minute starting window of effort, and then the directions for 25 minutes are “shake pan occasionally, and spoon sauce over exposed leek tops”…which I didn’t even have to do, because of the mistake I made! So, let’s break this sucker down.

Now, this recipe, as with most leek recipes, only uses the white and light green parts of the leek, so you’re going to trim off the top leaves, and the bottom root. You’re also going to want to clean your leeks.

Soiled their britches.

Leeks predominantly grow In sand, so when they push up through the soil, anywhere the leaves break apart and form a juncture, it tends to catch some of that sand. The firm rings lower down CAN get dirt in them as well, but it’s mostly going to be in the joints, and you can partially clean the lower sections by dipping the rings into water and lightly shaking them to wiggle their layers around and get some water to pass through.

Now, the original recipe called for 6-8 leeks in a large skillet, which I THOUGHT I had gotten, but apparently I only grabbed 6, and then used one for the Soupe a La Reine. Which you might note was a recipe I made a month ago. So my leeks were not the FRESHEST things in the world, but actually weren’t all that bad: the advantage of leeks is that they wilt from the outside in, so after I threw away the outer layer on all 5 leeks, the insides looked perfectly fine.

I submit this visual evidence that I didn’t endanger myself or my family all that much.

Once your rings are ready, assemble them in the pan, drizzle over some olive oil, and bring to a sizzle over medium heat. Then, toss some thyme sprigs around, add the cream, and…oh, yeah.

A classic in the “sea of white paint” tradition.

Maybe, if you’ve reduced the recipe from “6-8 leeks in a large pan” to “5 leeks in a medium pan”, DON’T keep the same amount of Cream. Especially given that the next step is just 25 minutes of simmering to reduce the cream, and the recipe clearly expects the leeks to be TALLER than the cream. Actually, wait. No, the recipe calls for 4-6 leeks. I am ENTIRELY in the right here. Though it does specify “medium-large” leeks, so maybe it’s that a couple of my leeks were too small…Or maybe this is actually exactly how it’s supposed to be, and it just looks weird to me. I guess “basting any exposed leeks” could be a conditional direction (ie, “if any leeks become exposed, baste them”) rather than a sorting designator. (“Baste whichever leeks are exposed”)

However, as mistakes go, this one was pretty easy to ignore: Hell, I could have fixed it immediately by just pouring out a half-cup or so of the cream. I DIDN’T, because honestly I felt like there was no real incentive to do so. The excess of cream wasn’t going to do anything other than take a little longer to heat up, and, once heated, cook the leeks a little quicker (since more of them would be submerged), and the recipe was actually currently estimated to finish a little before Nate got back from a small trip he was on, so I decided to go with the worst of both worlds: wait until the cream comes to temp, and THEN pour some of it off, in order to waste a little time.

As it simmers, you’re supposed to spoon the sauce over, and occasionally shake the pan to ensure the leeks aren’t sticking, but otherwise, you’re pretty free for the next 30 minutes. I really just kind of puttered around, cleaning off the counter, prepping veggies for another Hot pot we wanted to make (I had recently gone to an Asian super-market, and found the meat specifically cut FOR hot-pot…but it had thawed by the time I got home, so we needed to eat it this weekend.) Before going to the next step, which will take up the last 5 minutes of cooking: the topping. Because, sure, you COULD just serve up your “leeks so soft the bubbling cream is now causing one to pulse because it’s become softer than the water tension of the cream”

I watched this center leek ‘beat’ like a weird little heart during cooking.

The result will have the slight downside of being texturally rather one-note. So, to correct for that, the recipe calls for a toasted panko topping. Which is similarly very easy: just heat some olive oil in a pan, add panko, and stir/shake for a couple minutes until nicely toasted and browned. Mine took a little longer than suggested (as everything does on my stove), and I was worried I hadn’t browned it enough until I shook it into a container, and seasoned it with some salt, where the browning became much more obvious than in the dark pan on the tan stove.

I mean, that’s a pretty clear visual distance from “white”.

While you’re toasting the panko, you can kill the heat on the leeks, as you want them to cool a little before service (both so they don’t sear your mouth with scalding cream, and so the sauce can thicken a little as it cools), pull out the sprigs of thyme so no one gets a stem in the mouth, and season with some salt and pepper. Take the creamed leeks, and place them on a plate, topping each with some of the panko.

Honestly? Pretty good looking.

The results are, in my opinion, really good. I think I got a little lucky, in that my Panko was slightly sweetened “Honey Panko”, and I think that faint sweetness to the crunchy element really worked paired with the creamy soft leeks. It’s not a PERFECT recipe, but it’s pretty close. José notes you can enjoy it two ways: either as a decadent side next to fried potatoes and a steak, or as the entrée to a light lunch or dinner, with a nice salad, maybe some wine. (For some reason, it’s really connecting in my head with like, a French omelet. That feels like a really nice lunch: 5-6 rings of creamed leeks with crunchy topping, a nice herbed omelet, and a salad with vinaigrette. Anyway, it’s a 40 minute recipe with like, 10 minutes of actual work, for a vegetable dish that even the pickiest eaters shouldn’t have too much trouble with. I do honestly recommend it.

THURSDAY: I DON’T KNOW. I WAS GOING TO HIGHLIGHT JOSE ONE LAST TIME, BUT I’M STRUGGLING TO THINK OF WHAT I’LL SAY. MAYBE I’LL TALK ABOUT MY FAMILY’S ST PADDY’S DAY DINNER, OR FIND SOMETHING CONNECTED TO LEEKS OR IRELAND…OR GO HARING OFF ON SOME TANGENT.

MONDAY: I DELVE INTO TIKTOK TO SUMMON SATAN. WAIT, I MISSPELLED THAT. SEITAN. IF YOU DON’T KNOW, YOU SOON WILL.

Welcome to the

Recipe

José Andres Creamed Leeks

Serves 4

Ingredients

Creamed Leeks

4-6 medium-large leeks, white and light-green parts only, cleaned and sliced into rings ¾” thick

3 tbsp extra-virgin olive oil

2 cups heavy cream

4 sprigs thyme

Kosher salt and freshly ground black pepper

Topping

1 tbsp extra-virgin olive oil

½ cup panko (honey panko if you can find it)

Kosher salt

Preparation

In a large skillet, arrange the leek-rings in a single layer, and drizzle with olive oil. Turn the pan to medium heat, and cook until sizzling. Add cream, thyme sprigs, and a pinch of salt.
Bring to a simmer, reduce heat, and simmer gently for about 25 minutes, shaking the pan occasionally, and basting any exposed leeks with cream, until leeks are tender and cream has reduced into thickened sauce.
Make the topping: Heat the olive oil in a medium sauté pan over medium heat. Add the panko, and toast, stirring frequently (or constantly, depending on the heat of your stove) until richly browned, roughly 4 minutes. Move to a plate or other container, add a pinch of salt, and stir to combine.
Remove the leeks from the heat, remove the thyme sprigs from the sauce, and season with salt and pepper. Allow to rest for a few minutes before serving, adding topping to the leeks on the plate.