Why hello there, and welcome back to Kitchen Catastrophes, where I SWEAR, for the first time in 2 weeks, we will not use ANY eggs in today’s recipe. Today’s recipe is very simple, but a little fiddly, and I have no idea if I did it right yet. Why? Well, if you don’t care, you can jump straight to the recipe HERE. But for the culinarily curious, let’s forge onward.

Chick it Out

Chickpeas, also called Garbanzo beans, are one of the seminal crops of the modern world, though that would certainly be news to many Americans, who only associate it with hummus, Chop salads, and vegan food. The plant is also called gram, chana, and chole. I list those out to give you some context the next time you’re eating at an Indian restaurant, as they’re most often used in those settings. So if you see, say chana masala on a menu, you’ll know that it means “mixed Chickpeas”, and refers to chickpeas stewed in a curry (sauce) flavored with garam masala (mixed warm spices). Making it basically the Indian version of vegetarian chili.

I mean, it LOOKS like chili, right?

Chole is used to refer to the same plant in another region of india, so you’ll get basically the same thing with maybe some different spices. Gram technically refers to a specific variety of chickpea, which is often split into a lentil=like structure…look, we’re already starting to get into the weeds here. What say we pull back with a nice, easy, etymology? We know what chickpeas are, but what does the word mean? Well, the answer is… peas-peas. Oh yeah.

See, the “chick” in chickpeas comes from French, where they’re called poise chiche. Which in turn is taking from Latin, where cicer means…”pease” or “chickpeas”. (In fact, that’s where famed orator Cicero got his name: his family were chickpea farmers.) This is one of those irritating things where, in the past, we didn’t really care about breaking down certain things, so we just called a LOT of plants “pease”. Like, there are texts referring to the various colors that chickpeas can come in…which kind of suggests they’re actually talking about LENTILS, but that’s a whole mess, as we covered in our Red Lentil Soup post. (And as noted seconds ago: there is a stew in India called “Chana dal”, whose name best translates into “Chickpea pulses/lentils”, because it’s referring to the idea of breaking down dried chickpeas to make a pulse, which is often what “Bengal Gram” refers to)

Here they are, cooked, with some ROTI!

So technically, we took the Latin word for peas, then France tacked it onto THEIR word for peas to refer to the specific variety more common in Italy than France, and then English took “chiche”, and made it “chick”. And the other name, “garbanzo bean”, is…well, it’s either Spain stealing from the Basques (who call the plant garbantzu, meaning “dry seed”) or screwing around with Latin. SOMEHOW, they ended up with arvanço, (pronounced “arr-vahn-so”), and then maybe stole the G from the Basques, or decided to put it back on. (It’s also entirely possible that this was an etymological hot potato: maybe the Basques took Old Spanish’s “arvanço”, and made it into garbantzu, and then Spain took it BACK as “garbanzo”. That’s not impossible.

Alright, we know what it is, and what it means, but what is it FOR?

Cooking with Chana

I’ve already highlighted a couple uses for chickpeas: chana masala, chop salads, hummus (which I really need to actually make one of these days…though I’d need to buy more tahini to do so.) Pulses in general are used in a lot of vegan or vegetarian cuisine to replace meat, since they’re solid sources of protein. Most veggie burgers that don’t lean on soy or tofu use pulses. Gram flour is actually a common ingredient, since it works like normal flour, but with more fat and protein, and it gets stickier when wet, meaning it can add a lot of moisture to faux beef patties.

Does this specific one use it? I don’t know. I actually got another picture for this spot, but forgot and edited this one to put it here. SO NOW YOU HAVE TO LIVE WITH MY BAD CHOICES.

Hell, Chickpea BYPRODUCTS can also be super popular and useful for vegan enterprises. Ladies and Gentlemen, may I introduce you to the secret weapon of vegan baking, aquafaba!

Ooh, so glamorous.
It’s like meeting a famous Character actor.

Yes, I am referring to the goopy water you find in cans of chickpeas. Or that is produced when you soak and boil dried chickpeas. Aquafaba (“bean-water” in Latin) is actually a term invented right around 5 years ago, when a vegan group learned that if you need to replace egg whites (or eggs in general) in vegan recipes, the water from cooking legumes such as chickpeas is a great substitute due to the enzymes, proteins, and starches left in the liquid forming a very similar texture. The group decided to push this concept to more ears, and so picked a name for the product (other options included “l’egg”, since the recipe that led to this discovery was from a French chef’s vegan meringue recipe, and “bloop”, because it’s a fun sound.) Yes, that goop you’ve been dumping down the drain is the key to making vegan Macarons, brownies, mayonnaise, and more. Almost ANYTHING that uses eggs can use Aquafaba instead. (Some chefs have found this is not ENTIRELY accurate, as some mixtures such as Macaroons (which are different than Maracons, and I wish I hadn’t used them in the previous sentence) can end up leaking out their aquafaba… which is interesting, because it DOES work in meringues, so it can’t be because of exposing the liquid to heat…I think it might be that macaroons just don’t sufficiently beat the aquafaba? I’ve gone off track.)

And while I’m sure that information is GREAT for my vegan readers, and maybe should have been reserved and expanded on for Wednesday, today’s recipe is for something simpler than all of these. (other than the chop salad, where the chickpeas themselves are just kind of tossed on) This is for crispy chickpeas, a vegan snack food and ingredient. The basics are, again, pretty simple: if you dry out/fry chickpeas, they get crunchy and crispy, and tossing them in spices gives you…basically the vegan/healthy version of chips. They’re crisp, they’re crunchy, they’ve got more protein and fiber, and they’re pretty fun to eat. AND, if you make them at home, you can really play with a lot of options in terms of flavoring. We'll talk about that in a minute. First, we have to go BACK IN TIME!

Is this one of the deeper cuts I’ve made in a visual joke? Probably.
But that’s just the power of love, baby.

Doubled Baked

I’ve actually wanted to make this recipe for a while. To the point that I already DID: 14 months ago, I tried a version of this recipe, and while the results looked pretty good...

A sea of golden brown nuggets.

I found them, flavor and texture-wise, lacking. However, that was actually more than a little my fault… but I don’t remember WHY. See, I originally made this on a Saturday afternoon February 2019, and I just remember that I NEEDED to leave by a certain time. I think it was rehearsal related? All I know is that I didn’t use the recipe I was actually interested in, and I felt like I rushed it, and my results agreed with me: while they looked great, they weren’t dry enough. Almost none of them were really crispy or crunchy, instead just being…cooked chickpeas. Which, it turns out, aren’t half bad as a seasoned snack, but also aren’t what I was looking for. As such, it’s been a little hangnail in the back of my mind that, at SOME point, I was going to have to do this 2 hour recipe AGAIN, and do it right. So I decided today was the day. Partly because I figured “hey, a low-effort healthy snack that takes a bit of time is perfect for a lot of people right now” and also because chickpeas and garbanzo beans are one of the more common items to be completely out of stock when I go to the store, to add a bit of excitement to the recipe. And, BECAUSE I decided today is the day…today, I’m actually STILL waiting for them to finish. Yeah, I’m this deep in the post for a recipe that I have no idea if it’ll end well. (Editor’s note: at this point, Jon wandered off to do other things until the recipe DID finish,because he was sick of the dramatic tension he was inflicting on himself. )

The recipe I’m using comes from Alton Brown’s Everdaycook, his latest cookbook, which he produces in a reduced way on his blog, and I’m going to tell you right now, the cookbook version is 5 ingredients, and I added two more. We’ll explain more in a bit. The big first step is crucial to all of this: Dryness. You’re trying to get crisp and crunchy chickpeas, and to do that, you need DRY chickpeas. Why? Because it takes 5 times more thermal energy to evaporate water than it does to take a piece of ice to boiling. (Seriously, it takes 1 calorie of heat to increase 1 gram of water by 1 degree Celsius. And remember, 0 degrees Celsius is freezing, and 100 is boiling, so it takes 100 calories to take water from frozen to boiling. It takes 540 calories per gram to vaporize water.) Thus, the more water left on your chickpeas, the more of the heat will be wasted getting rid of it, instead of actually crisping your chicks. Which is why Alton starts his recipe in a salad spinner.

A carnival for vegetables.

If you don’t know this tool, a salad spinner is an invention where a basket with plenty of holes is balanced in a larger bucket/tub, and a mechanism on the top allows you to spin the basket. This causes water to be pulled off the products placed in the basket, and flung into the bucket/tub though centrifugal force, like how you get pressed to the side of a Gravitron machine, or how if you drive fast enough, your car ends up dry.

It turns out photos are a bad way to capture speed.

If you don’t have a salad spinner, just remember that the crucial component here is dryness. Alton’s recipe has you spin the chickpeas merely as a preamble to hand-drying them on paper towels.

A visually fascinating process.

So you can just do that process longer, or, like, blast your chickpeas with a hair dryer for 5 minutes. The goal is getting them dry. Once you DO, you toss them in a bit of oil and salt, and put them in a cold oven. Crank the heat to 350 degrees, and wait 30 minutes. You’re starting in a cold oven and heating because this causes the heat change to be gradual, which will help the fats render out evenly, and allow the heat penetration to be thorough. Once you’ve hit 30 minutes, turn off the oven, and let it sit, CLOSED, for an hour. Again, we’re trying to keep these things dry and crisp. By letting the oil ‘set’ in a dry container, you’re not going to have the problem of the chickpeas absorbing the humidity. (this may have been part of my first attempt’s issues: February last year was pretty wet (a WEEK before I cooked them, we had like, 13 inches of snow), and because I was in a hurry, I think I tossed them in a sealed container before they cooled, causing them to ‘steam’ themselves slightly. THIS year, since I had time to spare, I just moved them to the top of the oven, and tossed them in spices. And THIS is a step that I really find fun and engaging about this recipe: choosing your spices.

You want to make these Barbecue flavored? Mix up some paprika, chili powder, cayenne, cumin, and brown sugar. You want Salt and Vinegar? Easy. Last year, I tossed half of them in Curry Powder and half in smoked paprika. Alton tosses them in Sumac and Cayenne . Sumac, by the way, is a FASCINATING spice from the Levant that’s dark red, and tastes like lemon.

It kind of looks like coffee grounds.

I went with something a touch more complicated. I used a half teaspoon of sumac, and a quarter teaspoon of cayenne (which, let me tell you, right after mixing? Will be QUITE potent. I originally thought I had blown my batch to spice city when I first tasted them. ) THEN I added a half teaspoon of Ras al Hanout, a blend of Arabian spices I’ve mentioned before, and a 1/8 of a teaspoon of garlic powder. Toss and serve.

SHINY SHIMMERING SPLENDID.

And they’re pretty good! They’re not a crunchy as commercially produced ones, but I think I might like this version a little more, since the mixture of softer and crunchier textures gives a better variety. And this specific spice mix is pretty addictive, with the bits of citrus mixed with spice and warmth. This is really a hell of a solid vegan snack option. I hope you take the time, explore it with your own preferred spice mix (or hell, take the lazy route, and just look for some commercial ones at your grocery store) and give them a shot.

WEDNESDAY: DUNNO. MAYBE I’LL REVIEW ALTON’S COOKBOOK. DID I DO THAT ALREADY?

FRIDAY: I GOT A COUPLE VEGAN OPTIONS I COULD DO. OR A VEGETARIAN ONE. LOOK, I AM IN A SEA OF CHAOS. I’LL TELL YOU WHAT’S HAPPENING WHEN I KNOW.

Now we're ready for the

Recipe

Crispy Roasted Chickpeas

Makes about 2 cups (the chickpeas shrivel to about ½ size)

Ingredients

2 (15 ounce) cans of chickpeas

2 tablespoons olive oil

1 teaspoon kosher salt

Spice mixes to season.
(THE ALTON BROWN ORIGINAL - 1 teaspoon ground sumac, ¼ teaspoon cayenne pepper)
(CURRYING FAVOR – 1.5 teaspoons Curry powder)
(RAS AL GHUL - ½ teaspoon ground sumac, ½ teaspoon ras al hanout, ¼ teaspoon cayenne pepper, 1/8 teaspoon garlic powder)

Preparation

Drain the cans of chickpeas (save that liquid if you want to make some vegan egg replacements), and rinse in cold water. Drain, and then dry thoroughly. Use a salad spinner, rub and pat dry in paper towels, maybe toss in a warm oven for a while, use a blowdryer, whatever.
On a rimmed half baking-sheet, toss the chickpeas in the oil and salt. Place in a cold oven, turn to 350 degrees, and let bake for 30 minutes.
After 30 minutes, turn off the oven, and let sit in the oven (without opening the door) for another hour. The key is maintaining a warm, dry atmosphere, so opening the door will screw up the process.
Once the hour is up, toss the still-warm chickpeas in the spice mix of your choice, and let cool before storing.