Today, today is a mile stone. Not only is it Kitchen Catastrophe 41, a number that will never happen again, but also a celebration of my girlfriend’s and I’s third year anniversary!

She is the cuter of the two of us

But I think we fit well together.

Alan Vandegrift here, filling in for Jon as he makes his monthly pilgrimage across the state to visit his peoples homeland. I am here because in an effort to have a romantic, intimate dinner with Emily at our apartment, I made really, reeeaaaly good food. I just have to share that romantic, intimate dinner with you, dear reader.

Now around the third anniversary, you don’t have the silly stuff like weekly, monthly, or bi-yearly anniversaries anymore. Now it is just once a year, and you got to do something special. Like cook sockeye salmon.

THAT’S WHAT WE ARE HAVING, SOCKEYED SALMON

As Emily likes to say, a real salmon. I’m looking at you Atlantic “salmon”

I’M TASTY TOO

That’s a weird thing to want to be

You have to splurge a little on a pretty lady.

I CAN BE PRETTY TOO

IM NOT TALKING TO YOU ATLANTIC SALMON, NO ONE WANTS YOU

As I was saying, sockeye salmon. Or really any kind of salmon will do. To also dispel the winter gloom, we will be throwing in some summer squash as well, to help me keep up the delusion that I live in a climate that has seasons.

First off, preheat the oven to prime fish cooking temperature: 400 degrees. This temperature sucks for fish, usually because they are dead anyways before it happens, and it makes them delicious. As we all know though, it’s not just the temp that makes the delicious, but first we are going to have to get a little fancy.

*Disclaimer: should not cook fish with little monocle or bow tie*

From a lemon, grate 2 teaspoons of zest and then squeeze 2 tablespoons of juices out of the lemon. We like to make sure that, like the stereotypical Native American, that we use all parts of the lemon. Put the zest aside and then combine the lemon juice, sliced yellow squash, chopped shallots, oregano, salt and ground pepper in a bowl. Stir it up real good and make sure the squash is coated real well.

Now, get your highest quality of fancy parchment paper, it can either be made from the highest quality of calfskin or from a small box with small serrated teeth. Make a small bed to lay your fish out of the green zucchini, a little fish bed. Lay your fish down for its final rest and the sprinkle the zest you had set aside.

Remember the fish only likes to sleep on one side of the parchment

At this point we have to cover our fish in our little blanket. Don’t worry we made one early, out of love and squash. At the end, we should have like a squash-fish-sandwich.

Now, origami enthusiast, I haven’t forgot about you. You are not a highly catered to demographic, but we got you. Although I feel that we just won’t be hardcore enough for you. For this maneuver, we will be folding the parchment paper over onto itself and then rolling up the edges to seal the fish into itself and allow the flavors to cook with the fish.

After you have successfully wrapped up your fish place them in the oven and let them bake for 17 min. The salmon will turn opaque and that when you know the soul will have left its body.

And with that, we are done with this honestly morbid bit.

Plate the salmon with your favorite mash potato recipe and a small side salad. And have some wine. You deserve it!

OH, Emily loved it

Recipe

Ingredients

1 lemon
2 medium yellow summer squash
1 small shallot
1 tbsp. chopped fresh oregano leaves
1 tbsp. extra virgin olive oil
1 tsp. salt
¼ tsp. coarsely ground black pepper
6 piece Parchment paper
2 medium zucchini
6 piece skinless salmon fillet

Direction

Preheat oven to 400 degrees F. From lemon, grate 1 teaspoon peel and squeeze 2 tablespoons juice.
In medium bowl, combine lemon juice, yellow squash, shallot, oregano, oil, 1/2 teaspoon salt, and 1/4 teaspoon coarsely ground black pepper.
Place parchment rectangles on work surface with a short side of parchment closest to you. On half of each parchment rectangle, arrange one-sixth of zucchini slices lengthwise, overlapping slightly, 2 inches from edge closest to you. Place salmon on zucchini; sprinkle with lemon peel and 1/2 teaspoon salt, then top with yellow-squash mixture. Fold other half of parchment over ingredients. To seal packets, begin at 1 corner and tightly fold edges of paper over about 1/2 inch all around, overlapping the folds.
Place packets on large cookie sheet. Bake 17 minutes or until salmon turns opaque throughout (to check for doneness, open 1 packet first, being careful to avoid escaping steam). To serve, carefully cut all packets open, and with spatula, gently transfer salmon and vegetables to 6 dinner plates. Spoon any liquid remaining in parchment over salmon and vegetables.