In my continued pursuit of putting things in other things, we will be smashing two cuisines together that their respective culture will probably be insulted by. Welcome back to Kitchen Catastrophe, I am your other-host, Alan Vandegrift, filling in for Jon today as he is worked to death in the cellar of a deutsch haus. Our prayers go out to him in these trying time.

That means “German House” in English

Today, we are combining Ben Wyatt’s favorite meal with basically what constitutes 38% of my diet: Mexican Calzone. Now, calm your tits Mexicans and Italians, the combining of your two foods will create something so festive and delicious then has ever been seen before. So delicious that will have to move your lands across the oceans closer to each other. Considering that tectonic plates have never been that considerate for my desires, this Mexican Calzone will have to be the single center point of your now combined cultures. Huzzah!

Now take a can of Pillsbury croissant dinner rolls (we didn’t want your to feel left out France) and carefully open it, or do as my girlfriend does and throw the can on the floor so it doesn’t have to pop open in her hands. It’s up to you. Unroll the croissants onto a baking sheet and then instead of taking the little triangles of dough and rolling them into little cute croissants, instead push together the seams together to have one giant rectangle of dough.

I hope those tiny triangles savored the last bit of individualism they ever had

As one always does with Mexican recipes, brown the ground beef, drain the fat and then add spices to the mix. Allow the ground beef to simmer with the spices and then remove from heat.

BEFORE ALAN FORGETS

Oh, I should mention that you should probably pre-heat the oven at some point, to say, like 350 degrees. Or whatever the can of croissants say.

Chop up your favorite stereotypical Mexican vegetables: Onions, tomatoes, jalapenos, cilantro. I personally just stuck with cilantro and tomatoes, not because they were better but because I ran out of onions the previous day and who keep jalapenos lying around? (Put in your answers in the comments bellow!). Open up a can of refried beans and put a layer on one half of the dough rectangle, then cover that layer with some ground beef, THEN cover that layer with a helping of your stereotypical Mexican vegetables.

In this case, you don’t want a mountain, you just want a mole hill of toppings. What is shown is too much

Then you fold them together into future delicious Mexican calzone.

If you want to be a real fancy pants, then you could try to do them in triangles.

Slap those bad boys in the oven that you hopefully pre-heated and then wait around for about 15 min. Call your mom, take a small walk, do a speed run of super Mario 3. The world is your oyster (you could also eat 4 oysters if you had made them ahead of time).

Take your new Frankenstein meal out of the oven and enjoy that fluffy treat.

Recipe

Mexican Calzone

Ingredients

1 pound ground turkey
1 1/2 tablespoons Old El Paso™ hot & spicy taco seasoning mix
1 (12-ounce) tube Pillsbury™ Grands!™ Big & Flaky refrigerated crescent dinner rolls (8 count)
1/3 cup black refried beans
1/2 cup shredded Mexican cheese
1/3 cup chopped tomato
1/2 bunch of cilantro

Directions

Preheat oven to 350°F.
In a large skillet, brown the turkey until cooked through, about 7 minutes. Add the taco seasoning and salt. Cook another minute, until fragrant.
Unroll the crescents two at a time, keeping them in a rectangle. Press the perforated edges together
Spread a little of the refried beans along half of the crescent dough. You can spread it diagonally to make triangle calzones, or on the lower half to make square calzones. Top with the seasoned meat, and anything you want
Fold the remaining dough over and pinch to seal, enclosing the filling.
Bake for roughly 15 minutes, or until the dough is cooked through and golden brown.