Good afternoon, or morning, or evening, or whatever time it is you’re reading this. I am the Baron of Breakfast himself, Nathan O’Guin. Today we’ll be stumbling through another breakfast recipe, because it's my domain, and also, I don’t read. Well, I mean, I have worked my way through two fantasy book series of 14+ books each...but I’ve only actually read 6 of them. Thank you, audiobooks!
(Jon here, as I typically must be. He's not lying. He got through the entire Wheel of Time series, and is fully caught up on the Dresden Files, despite having not touched a physical book of either series in years. As someone who DID read all the books of both series, I'm not sure whether to be impressed or irritated.)
Shut up, Jon, I'M cooking now. (And I'M editing now, so...No.) Anyway, when I set out to make Omelets for breakfast, it was a very simple process in my head. For what are omelets besides folded scrambled eggs? Now, anyone who has made an omelet has read that sentence and started laughing at how naïve I could be. Well, like the sweet summer child I am, I set out to scramble some fancy eggs.
The Only Thing Scrambled is My Grasp on Reality
Now I didn’t just decide to make omelets all willy-nilly. (Willy-nilly!) There was a very distinct reasoning for it. Namely, all five of our chickens are laying eggs now that the weather has gotten back to semi-decent. I’m not sure if we just have over-achieving hens or what, but all five birds laying add up to basically 5 eggs a day. Two of our breeds have low yearly egg laying totals, but our hens decided that low numbers are for quitters. Now that means we have way too many eggs for us to eat.
"The plan is working, sisters! Choke the masters on the eggs, and they shall cease to harass us with their 'petting' and 'snack-time'."
We don’t really talk to our neighbors very much so we haven’t established the sacred egg trade yet. That means we have roughly 4 dozen eggs in our fridge at any given moment. Our grandparents will come and take 2 dozen from us and we eat a dozen a day every weekend between three people. And still our inventory has a net increase. So I got tired of eating the same old scrambled eggs and instead got an idea to get fancy on it.
Getting Inspiration from an Unlikely Source
Well, unlikely source in this case a recipe book that is all about breakfast. So arguably a very likely source. But that doesn’t sound as good, so I took some artistic liberties, which is the fanciest way to say I lied. The book I got is called the Big Bad Breakfast Book by John Currence. If you don’t know much about the culinary world, that name means nothing to you. I am a part of that group and only know it as the guy who wrote the book I own. Now I picked this book up while the Site Dictator Jon and I were in Seattle. My dad was having a minor surgery done and that gave my brother and me roughly five hours with which to spend wondering around the Capitol Hill. My mother and Jon had spent countless hours in the area, as the surgery was at the same hospital my dad was at when he first got sick. So she was adamant about Jon taking me to some of their favorite places in the area. Weirdly, the one I had heard the most about, we avoided, because of reasons I can’t remember right now.
I, on the other hand, DO remember the reason. And it's "because it's closed right now." If they had been open, we'd have definitely gone.
Now, I enjoy a good meal like most people, but I don’t really see food as something to wander around for and explore new options. I have one order at every fast food restaurant, and order it every time. So I wasn’t particularly thrilled to be walking around to a couple different locations to try little bits of food from those places. But my mother thought it was a good idea, so why not. We get to the first location to find the dish she wanted me to try the most in the area (The Chicken Skin Steamed Buns of last week, actually) is no longer served there. We go to another place and pick up some ginger beer cocktails. And after walking some more find a book store. As I stated at the beginning of this post, I am not a reader. So, to recap: after walking around on a food mission I didn’t care about, Jon pulls me into a book store. Yay. Anyway, Jon sees the book and suggests I buy it, since I am the site Baron of Breakfast. It qasn’t that expensive and breakfast is the meal I enjoy cooking most, so I did and will maybe get around to making something from it besides these omelets. It’s got some cool recipes, and some recipes I know I’ll like and Jon probably won’t, (The Double oyster Hangtown fry, for example, is maybe the least appealing breakfast I can conceive of.) so look forward to a post about those, maybe. If I ever stop being lazy.
You Can’t Make an Omelet, Without Breaking a Few Eggs
Not a metaphorical title, but a literal one. The book has two recipes for omelets, the classic American one; the single fold semicircle end product, as well as the French omelet; the folded in thirds egg crepe type omelet. Now both of those recipes call for the heat to be on low. Which is a setting our 30 year old oven takes seriously. Set on low our oven, achieves about the same heat level as cavemen rubbing sticks together. Did I keep that in mind when I was making the omelets? Absolutely not. Forethought is for suckers. So I kinda scan the recipe for the French omelet and decide that’s the one for me. Nothing will make me look cooler than pretentious French cooking, right? (Generally speaking, right.) The recipe calls for filling, so we just used bacon bits we had cooked the previous day for breakfast burritos.
A rare example of actual frugality in our home.
I turn the burner on, plop in some margarine, which is my cooking fat of choice because it’s the easiest one in our house, and get to making eggs. The process to start the omelet is pretty simple, mix 3 eggs, some milk, salt and pepper to taste, and a bit of your preferred herbs into the egg mixture. As I am lazy, my preferred herbs were none. The slightly more difficult part is to whisk the mixture until the eggs hold bubbles and the whites aren’t stringy. Which is about a minute of intense whisking. But after that it’s just heat the pan and cook the eggs right? Wrong.
Things Fall Apart, but Not the Book about Okonkwo
I'm impressed. Nate knows a book I don't. Heck, I don't even know what an "Okonkwo" is.
So the process is correct. Heat the pan on low with the cooking fat inside and cook the egg mixture. But the "cook the egg mixture" part of that is a lot more labor intensive than originally thought. You are supposed to do all of this in a nonstick pan. Which we have, but the size of the nonstick pan that was directed we once over-fried spam musubi in, so the bottom of the pan is not as pristine and nonstick as it once was. That being said, you are supposed to leave the egg mixture to sit for thirty seconds and then, while moving the pan in a circular motion, stir the eggs with the back of a fork to pull some of the eggs off of the bottom of the pan for a minute and a half.
Turns out, making omelettes isn't super visually interesting before you add the fillings. And that Nate and I have different default spellings of "omelet".
After which to stop stirring but keep moving the pan in a circular motion for a little bit more. Or until the eggs are 70% cooked. At which point you take the pan off the burner to cool slightly, than strike the handle of the pan sharply, which should slide the egg crepe a bit up the wall of the pan, add your filling and flip/roll the finished product onto a plate to be served immediately.
Jon, I know that tone. That's the "I'm about to make a shitty pun" tone. Don't do it.
That omelette -
Don't do it.
- looks like -
I already hate both the pun, and you.
You're dead to me.
Well, when I was making the omelets, I realized I didn’t quite fully understand what was happening. The stirring with the back of a fork, seemed to do nothing to get the egg off the pan, could have been because I was trying my hardest to not let the fork touch the non-stick surface. I also, didn’t read the part where I was supposed to let the egg cool slightly before striking the pan. Jon informed me that the French like a runnier interior to the omelet, which made me question what 70% done meant. And finally, the extremely low temperatures of our burners made it take roughly 7 minutes on low for the eggs to be what I considered 70% done. All-in-all the fancy trifold omelet was scrapped for the classic bi-fold American omelet that still looks like it should have been whispering “Kill Me,” after it was done. Tasted fine, but boy was it ugly.
Nothing to add, Jon?
Eh, I already used the 'crepe' pun, so no. Besides, you told me this was like, the first omelette you've ever made. And it definitely came out better than the first omelette I ever made.
It's "omelet". Or at least, that's what Auto-correct told me.
That makes sense. Mine is technically the British spelling.
Fucking Tory. Also, why did you use the picture of my second omelet earlier in the post, and the first omelet now?
I like to put the title card picture last. And it worked a little better with what you'd written.
3 tablespoons whole milk
2 teaspoons mixed chopped herbs of your choosing
Pinch of salt
Pinch of black pepper
2 tablespoons clarified butter or your preferred cooking fat
½ cup filling or your choice, plus ¼ cup filling for the top (optional)
1. Whisk together the eggs, milk, herbs, salt, and pepper in a bowl until well combined and the whites are no longer stringy and the egg begins to hold bubbles when whisked, about a minute or so
2. Warm the butter in a nonstick 10-inch skillet over low heat for 1 minute
3. Pour the egg mixture into the pan and allow to sit for 30 seconds
4. Stir eggs with the back of a fork while continually swirling the pan in a circular motion, so the uncooked egg fills the cracks left by the cooked egg being pulled away from the surface
5. After about 1 ½ minutes, when the egg is about 70% cooked, stop stirring , but continue swirling the pan for another 30 seconds
6. When the egg is almost fully cooked, but still slightly moist, remove the pan from the heat and cool briefly
7. Hold the pan firmly by the end of the handle. With short but firm motions, strike the handle of the pan close to the pan end and the omelet should slide up the side toward you.
8. Place ½ cup filling in the center of the omelet, fold the third of the omelet rising up the side of the pan over onto the filling, and then roll the folded side and filling over onto the third of the omelet remaining in the center of the pan.
9. Slide the omelet onto a plate, top with the remaining filling and serve immediately.