Why hello there, and welcome to a new series idea for the site that is the MOST likely to get me in legal trouble. The basic idea: to turn the various disparate facets of the shattered disco ball that is Jon’s brain into a deadly laser of content, but combining his understanding of the theatrical, the critical, and the culinary into an analysis of a online food program installment. Today’s Target, the Burger Show, season 1, episode 1. But first, let’s lay down some basics.

Why We’re Here and What We’re Doing

Now, you might reasonably be asking “Jon, aren’t you a food guy? Where’s this coming from?” And toi to that I say, I CONTAIN MULTITUDES, SIRRAH. More specifically, while yes, I do write about food, I am actually most professionally trained in theatre: I got my degree in it, I’ve had plays I’ve written be performed in Seattle, I’ve been professionally employed as an actor, improviser, AND technician, and so on. And one of my primary relaxation activities is, (perhaps weirdly) a frequent consumption of critical works: Todd in the Shadows, Folding Ideas, Lindsay Ellis, I love watching people breaking down media. Some of you more historically minded readers might be asking “ And didn’t you already review The Burger Show? You linked the review in Mon-Wednesday’s post, you slow bastard” And yes, that is true, if rude. But, while revisiting that review for linking purposes, I noticed that the Jon of the Past suggested breaking down the first episode for why it’s not so great. An idea that, given the limited time I had to prep this week, appealed to me. So let’s pick apart the first episode of the Burger show, and identify some weaknesses. Why? I don’t know. Maybe if you ever feel like starting a food show online you can learn?

“This, kids, is how you don’t make a burger.”

Most of the images in today’s post are just snips from the video on YouTube, so now that I’ve written that, and since I am CLEARLY ANALYZING, I really hope First We Feast doesn’t decide to sue me. Great? Great.

Start it Off

Indeed, because I don’t want this to be too long, and I have way too many thoughts (or, rather, that when you’re analyzing a video, responses always take longer. It’s the whole “a picture is worth a thousand words” situation.) We’re going to focus our discussion to the first 3 minutes of this 9 minute video. STARTING with the very first minute (And five seconds).

Now, what I find fascinating about the show’s intro is…well, let’s first breakdown what happens, see if you spot it.

-First 6-7 seconds are a cold-open snippet, where the host talks about his clothes.
-Next 6-7 seconds (ending right at 14 seconds) are the show intro
-Next 10 seconds: The host explains that burgers, a food made for fast and easy consumption, are becoming more expensive and elaborate
-Next 10 seconds: Host introduces his guest, Adam Richman, and explains the two of them will be trying expensive burgers, and telling you which upgrades are worth it.
-The next thirty-five seconds are Adam Richman, the guest, giving a slightly more filled out version of the thesis, and asking the host one question.

The cold open, I think, is strong. It’s the host, bedecked in a black velvet suit, noting that he doesn’t normally dress that way, but “since we’re doing some baller shit, gotta put that velvet on.” As he says it, he flexes the shoulders of the suit, works his arms, and starts to fiddle with the buttons. This is a strong open, because his motions back up the words he’s saying: he very clearly is still trying to get comfortable in the suit. He notes he’s not used to this kind of fancy dress, that he dressed up for the moment, and that the video’s going to be about “baller shit”. In the background, we can see that he’s in some kind of low-lit restaurant with a lot of dark woods and mood lighting, setting a more upscale atmosphere. So it sets the expectations of the episode, “we’re going to see some baller shit”, it establishes the host as more down-to-earth and a little unused to such excess, making him relatable, and the terminology sets him up as a trustworthy man of the people. Most people associate light profanity with more honesty, so calling the upcoming burgers “baller shit” makes people feel he’s being real.

Real men check their lapels.

The Intro is also well-executed. I think the best YouTube intros are sub 10 seconds. You want enough time that people can feel that it’s a real intro, get the brand logo/name on screen, and then move on, because YouTube gets tetchy about maintaining relative video lengths, and YouTube viewers are a fickle mob. You can be a long video maker, or a short video maker, but don’t fuck around trying both. Bunch of pictures of burgers, “Burger Show”, boom.

The one major misstep, is, I feel, what doesn’t happen over the next 55 seconds: We don’t meet Alvin, the host of the show. It’s not until Adam’s question is finished and Alvin starts to respond that we get a name plate. Before that, this is what we know: We see him, in the cold open, and in the discussion, so we know what he looks like. We learn he has a restaurant, and we get that rough character snapshot from the cold open: down-to-earth, talks about “baller shit”, etc. But that’s not enough, for the normal viewer. We want to HEAR a name. and for a premiere episode, it would help to give us some credentials/personal stakes. And sure, if you scrolled down to the description, it’d give you his name, but it is a rule of YouTube that “no one reads the description”. What I find particularly frustrating about the omission is that I know the almost perfect sound-bite for here exists, because it’s in the series trailer.

That’s right. a 90 second trailer from a week earlier has the key.

“What up everybody, this is Alvin Cailan from L.A.’s own Breakfast-sandwich kingdom, Eggslut. Eggs put me on the map, but burgers? Bro, that’s what tugs on my heart-strings.” (Cut to Alvin, in almost the same pose from the cold open) “Bro, I’m a burger freak”.

It’s a 15 second introduction that, IN THE TRAILER, shows him and Adam walking into the restaurant. Like, you could edit the first 15 seconds of the trailer into this video right after the Show intro, and boom. All the information anyone could want. The ONLY problem would be that, when Alvin introduces Adam later, they use the same shot of them walking to the table, so maybe you need like, 10 more seconds of B-roll to keep the flow a little cleaner.

Show off some of his sexy-ass sandwiches.

Like, no offense Burger Show, I love you, but you’re not the MCU. You can’t expect me to know LORE from THE TRAILER. Hell, I fucking love the MCU, and I still haven’t seen Captain Marvel or Far from Home. (2019 was a busy summer for me. And I ) And even if you were, the second Iron Man movie spends its first three minutes after the credits double-checking that you know the main character is Iron Man, his first name is “Tony”, he’s presenting the “Stark Expo”, and he’s a super-flashy rich dude who’s pretty arrogant. Repetition, especially in these kind of productions, isn’t bad.

And…honestly, that’s my only major complaint with the first minute: we don’t get to meet Alvin all that well, and to a lesser point, once we’re in the show, Adam speaks vastly more than Alvin. In fact, Adam gets as much time as the rest of the opening combined, to restate the basic theme with more emotional language (he talks about how whenever someone tries to ‘class up a comfort food’ there’s a risk of it alienating people.

There is a caviar-topped blini stacked on top of a gold dusted bun. I’m feeling a little alienated.

The next minute is a pretty solid introductory breakdown on how, exactly, you can get burgers to be so expensive: A fancy bun might cost the restaurant $1 a piece, so they have to charge you $3. The patty might be $6 their costs, so that’s $18 for the meat. Now you’ve got a $21 burger, with the only things on it being a fancy patty and bun. (To go one step farther, Fancy cheese can cost $1.50 or more an ounce, so that’s $4.50 to the consumer. That’s a $25 burger of nothing but cheese, meat, bun. And with the cost of good ketchup and mayo, the burger could cost a whole 50 cents more!)

The next 20 seconds actually ‘Starts’ the episode, in that we go from laying a foundation to moving toward a goal, and the transition, I feel, just has ONE element missing to be perfectly smooth and it’s the deferment of authority. By which I mean…let me set it up: Adam and Alvin have been chatting about burger toppings, and here’s the exchange:

Alvin: “You know, if I’m getting caviar on a burger…”
Adam: “ Have you had caviar on a burger?”
Alvin: “I feel like we’re gonna- we’re gonna find out today”
Adam: “Alright, we’ve been talking about them, are you ready to begin the Bougie Burger Bonanza?”
Alvin: “I’mma ride with you bro, let’s do this.”

And then Adam explains the format: 3 big baller burgers around the city, growing in price, until the last one is a 3 digit burger. And the only complaint I have with this is: Alvin’s “I’mma ride with you” is a little unclear (at first listen, you might hear “I’m alright with you”), and I think it needed the 1-2 second highlight on why Adam is in charge, and not Alvin. Specifically, and this is how simple it is: “You’re the New Yorker, man, I’mma ride with you.” Like, that’s all it needs: clarify that Adam is in charge, because this is ‘his turf’, which is even CLEANER if we include the explanation that Alvin is from L.A from the missing introduction. Boom. You’re letting the more experienced presenter control the show, while giving a perfectly reasonable justification.

“I’m in your hands, dude,”

Now, if these solutions are so easy, why aren’t they here? Well, I can’t know for sure, but here’s what I can tell you: This video is 9 minutes, 28 seconds long, but the last 15ish seconds are credits/outro screen, and the cold open/intro ate up 14 seconds. Meaning that, technically, this is a 9 minute video, and they hit the first restaurant at right about 2:15 seconds into the video, discounting the opening. That’s almost exactly one-quarter of the run time. One quarter intro, a one-ish minute outro, and 6 minutes (2/3rds) for the actual burgers themselves feels like they were calculating for a kind of “video golden ratio”. Like, I’m not trained in this specific type of creative work, but I know the act structures, and this feels like what happens when authors/playwrights take the hero’s journey/three act formula a little too rigidly: “I’ve got 25% of the story as the set-up, then the main plot building and building, and then 10% of denouement at the end.”

And who knows, maybe I’m the asshole here. (A generally good assumption to make.) Maybe the extra 18 seconds of run time would have put people off, or angered the arcane algorithm. And like I’ve said: I like the show. I’m still watching episodes. It’s just interesting (to me) to take these kind of first steps of a project and see where there are some rough edges that still need to be ironed out. Sanded out. Unless your clothes are REALLY worrying. I didn’t start this to tear them down, just to highlight the little tweaks and hiccups you can have in clean flow with these kind of projects. I hope you all enjoyed it, and if not, feel free to write your own post about its flaws.

MONDAY: I THINK I SAID WE WERE DOING CHICKEN SALAD. SO GET READY FOR A LOT OF PALE STUFF.

THURSDAY: TALK TO ME MONDAY.