Am I the only one who still remembers ‘The 13 Ghosts of Scooby Doo’, arguably the worst Scooby Doo series? Which, let me tell you, is a hell of a claim, since, as you’re likely unaware, there are technically 18 different Scooby Doo shows. To be fair, that’s an inflated number, including a couple ‘package shows’, where they’d just take two kind-of popular shows, and some shorts, and throw them all together and call it a new show. But consider this: Since 1969, there have been 15 years that DIDN’T have new Scooby Doo shows airing. And several of those DID have new Scooby Doo movies in them, so in the last 48 years, 41 of them have had some form of new Scooby Doo program.

What I'm saying is Casey Kasem had quite a good run, as far as steady work went.

Anywho, enough talk of talking Great Danes, and more about Beer. This is Kitchen Catastrophe’s Adventures in Alcohol, a series I have decided exists, and no one can really stop me. I’m Jon O’Guin, and normally if there was to be drinking, we’d include site Alcohol Editor JJ Hernandez. However, this trip was slightly different. In case I didn’t tell you all directly, and honestly, I don’t recall if I did, my father has been hospitalized for the last 9 days with a case of jaundice due to blockage in his duodenum, which it turns out is a real organ (part, since it’s just a part of the small intestine), and not just something the nerdy professor in The Simpsons yells. I don’t know if I told you all because, well, I’ve had to tell like, 8 different groups about it at different times, so I’m honestly losing track of who knows what.

As such, my mother and I have spent quite some time traveling to and from the various hospitals (yeah, his case was tricky enough they had to send him to another hospital with a better team to handle the blockage.) which has led to us spending a lot of time eating at various restaurants around them. Realizing the odds of getting usable cooking done when we were spending up to 14 hours a day away from home were slim, I decided I should start recording what we ate and drank so I’d still have SOMETHING for you guys. You’ll be happy to know, (or not, I don’t think you’re particularly invested at the moment), that the doctors think he’ll be ready to return home today or tomorrow, so if you’re thinking of using this opportunity to rob us, you missed your chance already! HaHA!

Always the lookout, never the robber.

I’ma tell you, like Woo Told Me, Cash Rules Everything Around Me

On the second day of my father’s ordeal, my mother and I ended up going to a brewery after spending the afternoon with him. Now, some quick context: My parents are both hypothetical fans of this brewery. I say hypothetical, because we don’t go there too often, with this only being my second time there. HOWEVER, in the 8 years I was away at college and working in Pullman, apparently the place popped in Port Orchard, become one of their steady spots for eating out, and then moved to Silverdale. There’s actually several businesses that follow varying forms of the “Was only around when Jon wasn’t” formula, which I think of as “ghost businesses”.

But CASH Brewery, once called Tommy C’s, seems an alright place. And since we’d just spent several hours in a hospital, my mother and I felt entitled to a couple drinks. We ended up ordering 2 sampler flights of beer, so we could taste basically everything they made. So, let’s dive into what we thought about the beers. I’ll present the feedback as I recorded it, with Nancy (my mother’s) comments, and mine marked with an N or a J. Allon-sy!

Topspin Double IPA

Now, we started with the Seasonal Sampler, because fanciness. The Topspin is a 9% ABV beer, with 90 IBU.

N: I give this a (Holds thumb sideways). I mean, I hate IPAS, and this has all the flavors of an IPA, so it succeeds in that regard.

J: This is definitely a double IPA. This has more resin than a gymnastics competition. Like snorting pine cones. I can’t speak to its quality, as I am not an IPA fan either. What’s that? Like a third of these are IPAs? Great. Just great.

Slam Dunk Stout

8% ABV, 45 IBU

N: This is a stout. (My mother and I have this weird verbal tic of confirming things are what they claim to be. It makes more sense when spoken, because our inflections give the general impression of our feelings. “This is a stout” versus “This is a Stout” versus “Eh, it’s a stout.” Kind of thing.) A good stout. There are strong coffee notes. I really like how it tastes with the wings. (She was eating hot wings)

J: I generally like stouts. This is somewhat strange, because I DON’T like coffee. So as we can tell, this tasting is going great for me. It’s fine. Perfectly adequate. I prefer more chocolate in my Stouts, but whatever.

Corner Kick Kolsch

5% ABV 27 IBU

N: This is very drinkable. This is “mowing the lawn on a hot day” kind of beer.

J: A Workingman’s beer. You can crack a couple of these at lunch and not feel bad about drinking it. Got a sort of “refined light beer” taste going on. Like if Coors were good.

Spring Fling Tangerine IPA

7.5% ABV 73 IBU

N: For an IPA, thumbs up.

J: I like it. The Tangerine flavors cut the resin notes without being too sweet themselves. *later note* This was my favorite of the IPAs.

Bare Knuckle Irish Stout

4.9% ABV …I somehow missed the IBU

N: This tastes like it’s more than a 4%. But it’s got a good dark caramel taste. Like the salted caramel I bought in Oregon.

J: I wasn’t on that trip. I had rehearsal for a play that got cancelled three days later. But I can see the caramel idea. This is a smooth beer, with a gently coating thickness. Hints of coffee, but I could drink quite a bit of this.

9 Ball Citra Pale Ale

5% ABV 40 IBU. (Maybe. I had to look this up later, and I’m not 100% what I found was correct)

N: Thumbs up. This is easy-drinking. There’s a touch of bitterness, but it’s not in-your-face. Kind of palate-cleansing.

J: If the Kolsch is a good Lunch beer, this is a good post-work beer. I’d call it “clean”. I could kill a six-pack of this at a soccer match. And I don’t even watch soccer.

“Manhattan”

This is actually the Knickerbocker Rye Ale, served with bitters and a maraschino cherry.

7% ABV, 12 IBU

N: Very Novel. I smell Bananas. …Or that sweet…bread pudding? Thumbs up.

J: I smell sweet Cinnamon. Like, I love horchata, and I like horchata beers, and that’s what this smells like. There’s a richness to the taste. The cherry almost brings out a chocolate flavor.

At this point, we became distracted, arguing about bananas vs cinnamon, and the fact that I hadn’t eaten any of my burger yet. Luckily, we’re also right about where we should wrap up for the day, so we’ll cover the second half next week!

NEXT TIME: JON’S MAKING A DESSERT. WHEN LIFE GIVES YOU LEMONS…