Why hello there, and welcome to Kitchen Catastrophe, where we’re doing a special 2-part post this week for Tampa Bay Cubanos, in honor of some rowdy Buccaneers who’ve made their way to…oh, nowhere? They’re literally at home? That’s nice. Anywho, there’s a football game this weekend, I might get sued if I tell you its name, and every year, I make a recipe for it. Last year, we did Burnt Ends for the Chiefs, so if you want to make that, there’s the link. This year, we’re making Cubanos, which are, amazingly, LONGER. If you just want the recipe, you can click this link (maybe. I’ve just learned that we’re having trouble with the anchor links again), for everyone else, let’s dig in.

Ball Me Hard, Daddy

What a terrible opening, Title Jon, thank you. Oh, I’m sorry, did you think we were going to have another post like Monday’s, where everything was HELPFUL, and PRODUCTIVE, and only briefly discussed 400 YEARS OF CHATTEL SLAVERY. Well TOO BAD, because we’re only doing the LAST ONE. The one NO ONE wanted.

No one NOW wanted, I should specify. Back in the day, there was a fair number of fans.

We’ll get to that, though. FIRST, just to be clear: as ever, the recipe I make isn’t an endorsement of one team over the other, I’m literally just futzing around. Honestly, I kind of wanted the Bills and Browns here, because even I know enough about Football to know that’s hilarious, and because their signature foods are MUCH EASIER. Like, Buffalo Wings, easy. Beef on Weck, not a problem. Pierogi? Piece of cake. Well, actually, a dumpling, but you get the idea.

But honestly, I HAVE want to try making Cubanos for a while, thanks to my friend, Jon Favreau.

“Let me tell you about All on The Line…”

What? No. That’s former Obama speechwriter and founder of Crooked Media Jon Favreau. Which, sure, I’m a Friend of the Pod, and I like their stuff, but I was NOT referring to him. I was referring to the much-more famous Jon Favreau, director of Iron Man, Jungle Book, and Chef.

“Let me tell you about Justin Hammer…”

And it’s that last one I want to really mention. Chef was actually a partial inspiration for the site. If you haven’t seen it, it’s a 7 year old movie that’s on Netflix, and pretty solid, and I don’t intend to really spoil it too much, so if you want to watch it, feel free: the story is that a chef, played by Favreau, is feeling ‘trapped’ in the prestigious restaurant he’s working in, arguing with the owner about how he wants to try innovative new dishes, while the owner wants him to stick to the dishes he’s been making for years. A bad review, a twitter fight, and a public meltdown lead to him losing his job, where he then opens up a food truck making Cubanos, where he bonds with his son on a road-trip back to California. This is all act 1 stuff.

The movie is, as I said, pretty solid, though it is also, when you consider the context, a TRANSPARENT metaphor: Favreau had just spend 10 years directing Elf, Zathura, the first 2 Iron Man movies, and Cowboys and Aliens, and then he left the big studios to make THIS INDEPENDENT FILM.

A big thing that I found impressive about the film was the star power attached to it, by which I do not mean the actors (though it has a pretty A-list cast: Robert Downey Jr, Scarlett Johanssen, Sofia Vergara, John Leguizamo, Dustin Hoffman, Oliver Platt, and more)

Also starring: Pasta.

Yes, I meant the FOOD star power. For instance, partway through the movie, they stop in Austin Texas, and meet up with Aaron Franklin, a man who is considered by many to be THE star Brisket-smoking man in America. The movie’s culinary coach and co-producer was Roy Choi, founder of Kogi, the Korean taco food-truck empire of Los Angeles.  

I was shocked to see Aaron Franklin, who I knew about from PBS shows, in a Hollywood movie, and I really felt like the movie portrayed conversations ABOUT food in a very moving way. While it wasn’t an incredibly deep film, it portrayed frustrations in the kitchen, and care for the food and its roots, in a way that, when I was approached to make the site a few months later, I carried with me.

So, I’ve long wanted to make Cubanos, but held off. Why? Well, A: the difficulty, and B: the mess.

The Mess

So, Cubanos are a MESSY food to write about for several reasons. The first one’s easy: Cubanos are like any other regional specialty, in that they have what I think of as the “fan-fight” effect. EVERYONE is CERTAIN that THEY know the best way to make a Cubano, the best place to get a Cubano, they have very strict opinions on what’s in one, all of that. So any recipe you make for one is going to run into people telling you you made it WRONG. And early on, that would have hurt my feelings, before I shellacked my soul with sarcasm and sassafras. The SECOND is that there is a great FEUD in the world of Cubanos, built on this same issue: the Miami-Tampa feud. And just EXPLAINING that feud is going to potentially get me in trouble with Miamians…but EAT IT, MICHA. (Micha is the name of one of my mother’s co-workers, who, when he learned I was making Cuban bread, lamented that it is impossible to get a good Cuban since he moved from Miami. We have never met, and I’m sure this needless aggression to a man who was technically complimenting me is definitely the right foot to start off on.)

How will he ever recover from being briefly attacked. If only there were some kind of tropical paradise he could draw strength from to ignore my pettiness.

So, the thing is that Miami and Tampa make their Cubans differently (technically, Tampa makes their Cubans TWO ways, but we’ll get to that…oops, hold on.) Quick aside: As you hopefully know from Monday’s post/could guess, Cubano is literally just Spanish for “Cuban”, and given the prevalence of code-switching in Latin communities, both are used interchangeably. I tend to default to Cubano just because it feels a little cleaner (The explanation for why is coming up soon), but I might use the other every now and again. SO: Miami and Tampa make their Cubanos differently. How, you might ask? Tampa puts salami on theirs.

Now, interestingly, this brings up a VERY INTRICATE conversation on who’s ‘correct’…where the answer is “no one”. Let me explain: Cubano sandwiches are an American invention, technically. And potentially. Ugh.  So, this is going to get weirdly political in a minute, but you have to remember that, until like 1920, no one gave a shit about immigration to the US, unless you were Asian. People moved back and forth between Cuba, the Florida Keys, and mainland Florida ALL THE TIME. Like, I’m sure I’ve brought this up before, but Key West is closer to Havana than Miami.

20 miles is VERY short, in terms of national scales.

So there’s a lot of travel and interchange, and no one’s 100% sure, but I’m going to stake my claim on what most historians believe is the most likely story. The torta mixto or torta Cubano was a Workman’s sandwich, like the Croque Monsieur, South African Gatsby, Louisiana Po’Boy, etc: it was a dish made to serve men working in factories. Specifically, the mixto was popular, because it was the FANCY one: “mixto” means “mixed”, but is frequently used in Spanish the same way “Combo” is in English.  Which is why tradition holds there has to be ham AND pork in a Cubano: if there’s not 2 meats, it’s not a mixto, and therefore not a Cubano.

The dish apparently has some very weird roots, in that the native Taino people of the Caribbean had a dish consisting of slow-roasted (read: early barbecued) bird on ‘bread’ that was very cracker-like. Then the Spanish showed up, and oh, look, it’s our old pal genocide and chattel slavery. Specifically…well, the Taino are considered by many groups to be functionally extinct due to the oppressive rule of Christopher Columbus, SPECIFICALLY, and Spain in general. However…that might be something of an exaggeration, due in part to something called “The Black Legend”. There’s actually SEVERAL Black Legends (which I will have the bad taste to point out I have the good taste to not make any sports-related jokes about the phrase), but the basic premise is…you know the idea “history is written by the victors”? ‘Black Legends’ are the propaganda they write to justify that they deserved to win. Like, no, most historians are pretty sure that Romans didn’t force themselves to vomit at feasts so they could eat more. That’s something Christians and less wealthy nations wrote about them to make themselves feel better. So…fun fact: shortly before Columbus landed in the Caribbean, the modern printing press was invented in Germany, and spread to Holland and England. Three nations who all were economic and political RIVALS with Spain. So suddenly, a LOT of stories turned up about the Spanish being vicious murderers and rapists, butchering natives of the New World for fun. Which... isn’t ALL lies, since several Spaniards wrote about doing those things on a lesser scale, but is definitely somewhat exaggerated in other reports. 

Like, it’s a bit of a hair-split, but there’s a line between “there were so many dead, I had to stop my dogs from licking at their blood” to “THEY FEED THEIR SLAUGHTERED VICTIMS TO THEIR DOGS.”

So, Spain shows up, and finds people eating bird on crackers, and immediately says “knock that shit off, I need you FARMING to MAKE ME MONEY. You will eat this PIG instead. And THIS is how you make bread! Also, I’m taking your sister.” “That’s my wife!” “Well, I’m taking her anyway, and if you complain again, I will cut your nose off.” Like I said, they were, legitimately, not great. Like, DNA testing shows they didn’t COMPLETELY kill off all the Taino…but records show it was like, a 90-95% rate. The survivors fled to remote areas, and intermarried with other populations (mostly escaped African slaves), and over time, their people “vanished”. BUT NOT BEFORE THEY MADE SANDWICHES. (Nailed that segue.)

So yeah, the Cubano was Taino, then was changed by Spain (since pigs are easier to farm than hunting birds), and over time the bread gets better, but they press it to keep it kind of flaky/crunchy (and probably for some kind of preservation factor: the pressed bread will be harder to notice if it’s stale, and might enclose the meat.

The meat itself is treated with an acidic marinade (which will kill bacteria), and had has pickles and mustard added, BOTH of which are anti-microbial. So the sandwich is designed to be able to fight off potential disease, making it a great choice in the humid warmth of the Caribbean. Then it gets brought up to Tampa. YES, to TAMPA. While Tampa was first settled only a few years before Miami, it was incorporated decades beforehand, leading to the creation of Ybor City, a town/neighborhood of Cubans who had come to Florida to work in cigar factories. They worked alongside Italian immigrants, leading them, over time, to add Genoa Salami to their mixto sandwiches.  And things were…well, as good as they could be in an 1890’s cigar factory.

This is one of said cigar factories, 4 years ago. Are they still making cigars? No idea.

Then, a couple decades later, a bunch of Cubans emigrate to Miami (no big reason, didn’t like some guy named “Astro” or something) and bring THEIR mixto sandwiches. Which, since they weren’t shaped by decades of interactions with Italian co-workers, DON’T include salami. (Interestingly, the “Key West” Cuban adds tomato and lettuce to a Miami Cuban, while the “Obama Cuban” is a Tampa variant of the sandwich with honey on the outside of the bread, and added tomato and lettuce, because that’s what Obama ordered while at a sandwich shop in Tampa. (Note: they already made “Honey Cubans”, he just added the tomato and lettuce))  So, which is more authentic?

The answer, as I told you BEFORE the genocide, is ‘no one’. Both sandwiches are authentic, because they’re technically different sandwiches. One is the first Cubano in America, which overtime added less purely Cuban influences, while the other is a more ‘Cuban’ version of the sandwich. But…it can only BE a Cuban sandwich in America. In Cuba, it’s the mixto. To be a Cuban sandwich, it must be OF Cuba, but made and served OUTSIDE of Cuba. It’s a fool’s errand to argue either is ‘more’ or less ‘right’.

Anywho, that was HALF the reason I didn’t want to make it. Let’s talk about the other half!

The Work

Except we don’t have to, because that’s what Monday was for! See, the other reason I didn’t want to make a Cubano is because I knew the process took at least a DAY of prep. If you didn’t read Monday’s post, let me catch you up: Cubanos are made with ham, roast pork (traditionally mojo pork), mustard, pickle, swiss cheese, and served on Cuban bread, which has been compared to French Bread, Baguettes, and other good crusty white breads, with the note that it is traditionally made with lard (there’s that pig-farming again), which makes it a little flakier than French bread.  And both Cuban bread and Mojo Pork have “wait 12 hours” as one of the steps in their recipes.

Still, the RESULTS are great.

It’s one of the STRENGTHS of the Cubano, in a more hands-on world: the bread can proof overnight, and be baked in the morning before your son/husband goes to work, the pork is a slow-cooked roast that you use scraps from to make the sandwich: it’s a dish that preps long and builds fast, making it ideal for restaurants.

Now, in Monday’s post, I’ve already made the bread, and the pork. So now we just have to make the sandwich. If you don’t want to make your own Cuban bread…sucks to suck. (Most places recommend you do an Italian or French loaf, like one of those freshly made ones from the super-market. It’ll probably be a little wide, but you don’t want to do a baguette, because those will have much firmer crusts) If you don’t want to roast your own pork…that might LITERALLY be a “sucks to suck”, but I GUESS you could get away with like, buying pulled pork, and making a mojo sauce.

On top of that, you’ll need ham, Genoa salami and Swiss cheese, the latter two my family had on hand, because we bought snack-tray stuff for Christmas and didn’t eat any of it.

COLUMBUS! We meet again! I was just telling people how you butchered the Taino.

The second thing you need is a plancha which is…a slightly complicated word in Spanish, but mostly means “A flat metal griddle”. I say slightly complicated because it also refer to plates, planks, the device used to steam and flatten clothing, and in professional culinary settings, it’s technically different than a ‘griddle’, in that they tend to run hotter, and/or include a second plate that is used to press down on the food. Which is a critical portion of Cuban construction, which is why if you can’t find/don’t have a plancha, the two best replacements are either using a cast-iron skillet and a heavy weight to press the sandwich down…or a Panini press, which my family has, so it’s what I used.

Sometimes, I’m proud of the technical skill my pictures show. Other times, I’m offended I thought I was smart enough to pick up and use a camera.
Like, this was MEANT to convey “the difference between a plancha and a panini press is planchas are flat, while these are ridged”, but THIS was the shot I took for that idea?

From here, the process is pretty simple: you take your bread, and cut it into sandwich shapes. (Basically, each sandwich is half of the Cuban bread loaf) Then you assemble the sandwich in layers: first, brush the bottom slice with the mojo sauce, and then some softened butter, or, if you’re in a hurry, mayo. (This isn’t ‘traditional’, nor even necessary, but it will create an oil barrier, and add a little more moisture to the sandwich and as we just discussed, “traditional” is kind of a trap phrase in these conversations.) Then add the ham, the roast pork, the salami, the cheese, some pickles, and then spread the top slice of bread with mustard. (I’m uncertain, if you wanted to make the Obama Cuban, if you’d add the lettuce and tomato NOW, or if you’d add it post-pressing, so play it by ear.)

The pictures also got a little weird here, because, as we mentioned Monday, I learned AS I was cooking the pork that my mother had to go back into work in like, an hour, so I had 30 minutes to get dinner on the table.

Then, you’ve got to butter/oil your press, get the sandwich in the press, and get pressing. Now, this was our first time USING this Panini press, so we may have resorted to some…unorthodox methods to ensure the press was exerting constant pressure during the 8-10 minute cook time.

I hope you’re not too…salty…about our choice of tools.

And then…you’re done. That’s it. Like I said, the problem is the huge prep-steps. Once you have the roast pork and bread, this is, at most, a 12 minute recipe.

And 8 minutes to eat!

The result is pretty good! Our main complaint is that my Cuban bread felt either a little dry or a little under-pressed: there was more crunch than crisp to it. Which may have been that I finished it the day before we made the sandwich too: Cuban bread, due to its lack of preservatives, is really only good for abour 2-3 days, so maybe we were just a little more humid and ours got a little more stale than usual. For later sandwiches, I brushed BOTH sides with the mojo, which worked a little better, but overall we were pretty happy with the results. And hopefully you will be too if you decide to make it this weekend. My advice is go one of two ways: either make the bread over Friday night, and the pork over Saturday night, which will give you the great smell of the pork cooking pre-game, but might leave you with slightly dry bread, or reverse it, and make the pork Friday-Saturday, and the bread Saturday-Sunday, which will give you the smell of baking bread as your pre-game backdrop. Either way, it should be pretty great.

MONDAY: JON MAKES A VALENTINE’S DAY TREAT FROM A POTLUCK STAPLE WITH A VERY WEIRD NAME.

THURSDAY: JON NEITHER KNOWS, NOR AT PRESENT CARES.

Recipe

Tampa Bay Cubanos

Makes 4 large sandwiches, which could be cut into 8 medium ones, or even 12 ‘party size’.

Ingredients

1 recipe Cuban Bread

¼ cup mojo from the Mojo Pork recipe

¼ cup mayonnaise, or softened butter (optional)

12 ounces thinly sliced deli ham

10 ounces thinly sliced/lightly torn Mojo Pork (roughly 2 cups)

3 ounces thinly sliced deli Genoa salami

6 ounces thinly sliced deli Swiss cheese

16 dill pickle chips

¼ cup yellow mustard

4 tablespoons unsalted butter to grease the press, or butter-flavored cooking spray

Preparation

1. Cut the two loaves into 4 half-loaf sandwiches. Preheat your cooking surface to medium-low heat.

2. Assemble the sandwich: brush the bottom piece of bread with mojo, then mayo or butter (if using). Then add 1/4 of the ham, followed by the same portion of pork, salami, cheese, and pickles. Brush the top piece of bread with more mojo, and spread with roughl 1 tbsp mustard, before placing on top of the assembled sandwich.

3. Grease your cooking surface, and cook. A Panini press, since it cooks from both sides, will only need around 8-10 minutes. If you don’t have one, you can cook in a cast-iron or non-stick skillet, and use a heavy Dutch oven, the bottom covered in foil, to press the sandwiches. This method will require a slightly longer cooking time, as you’ll have to flip the sandwiches after 5-7 minutes, to cook for 3-5 minutes on the second side, so that both sides are toasted.

4. Once cooked, you can pop into a warm oven while you work on the remaining sandwiches, or serve them first-come, first-served style.