Why hello there, and welcome back to Kitchen Catastrophes, where we’re kicking off the New Year in style. By which I mean we’re already a week late, but when has that ever stopped us? That’s right, it’s 2021, and we’re looking to get things moving here on the site. New Year, New Jon, after all. Now, let me slough off this old body and identity, to become the scourge of an era. If you wish to avoid the imminent signs of my dark reign, skip to the recipe here. For everyone else, let’s dig in on why this, why now, and why THERE?

Seven Hours a Day, Eleven Days a Week

So, the first thing to explain about today’s dish is its association with a type of building I am, perhaps strangely, quite fond of.

Those illuminated by blinding floodlights?

Yes, the humble convenience store. I have a long-standing affection for them, as in my early twenties, I came to the realization that the modern convenience store is, in many ways, the modern version of the watch-tower: a symbol that, though you may not see it, you still stand within civilization’s bounds. Think about it, they carry everything you need to sustain our modern world: medicine, fuel, food, cigarettes, sometimes even pornography or auto-maintenance parts. All vital pieces in the fabric of modern life.

I also love them as a way to explore regional preferences: what is, and is not, sold in a convenience store can give you some fun insights into the culture of your current region, or at least into its local alcohol laws. But truly, a Sinclair station in Missoula isn’t going to have the same options as a Seven-Eleven in Seattle, or a BP in Boise. (Weird fact I learned: there are no BPs in Boise.)

And that trend continues in the international arena. There’s an interesting parallel with its own kind of nuance in the difference between an AMERICAN convenience store, and a Japanese one. To revert to my medieval imagery of last paragraph, an American convenience store often carries with it the feel of, as I stated, a watch-tower, or a small fort in the wilderness. It’s a rough place, probably a little messy. The food is…questionable, but it’ll keep you from starving. Its purpose is to get you whatever you need to get out and get back on the road. Japanese convenience stores are closer in spirit to an inn, or tavern: Hubs of not just civilization, but COMMUNITY. A place for comfort, beyond simple ‘shelter from privation’.

Which, to be fair, is an important first step in acquiring real comfort.

Japanese convenience stores are very common and very popular, with a spree of functions that are somewhat amazing. Many convenience stores have ATMs that double as terminals for buying tickets for such amenities as planes, trains, buses, concerts, probably zeppelins if there are any nearby. You can pay utility bills and buy stamps at some locations. They often provide wi-fi, and various sundries like gloves and hand warmers in the winter, and hats or sunscreen in the summer.

And the FOOD at such locations is notably of much higher quality than Americans would expect. (This is a fine line: Japanese people know that the food they’re getting there is functionally ‘fast’ food and on the junk side…and are often surprised to find that American convenience stores are even WORSE.) You can find Japanese convenience stores with Oden stations(most often in winter time, though some locations do it year round): oden is a japanese soup consisting of simple foods simmered in broth. At a 7/11 you could buy a cup of broth with a hard-boiled egg, noodles, and a soft chunk of simmered radish for under $2.50. They have prepared meals, to take home and reheat, delivered from corporate kitchens 3 or so times a day. They have pre-heated dishes like fried chicken or croquettes. And they have instant ramen stations, where you can scan a freshly bought instant ramen, pop open the container, and the machine knows how to cook it.

That last example might have been slightly overboard, in that I’ve seen those instant ramen stands in Singapore and South Korea, but couldn’t find a picture of one in JAPAN for this image. So instead, enjoy the Oden stand at a Japanese convenience store.

For many Americans, this can be a surprising wonderland of options, made even more notable by the general increase in cleanliness and greater customer service. But one thing that MANY Americans talk about as blowing them away in Japanese 7/11s is the humble Egg Salad Sandwich, or “tamago sando”

This one is actually made in America, but it’s made by Japanese immigrants to be a Japanese sandwich, so I dare you to claim it doesn’t count.

Tamago Sandos (literally, “egg sandwich”)  and even more specifically, 7/11 sandos are said to have ruined egg salad sandwiches in America for many travelers and temporary residents of Japan. But what makes them so appealing? A deep-dive eggs-posé will tell us.

The KISS Principle

If you’ve never heard of it, the KISS principle was supposedly developed in the 1950’s, but first recorded in 1960, whose name is an acronym for the goal: Keep it simple stupid. The principle was developed in, of all places, aircraft maintenance, with the idea being “make the systems as easy to maintain/repair as possible, since, you know, people might need to be repairing them in combat, missing tools, etc.”

As such, it should surprise no one that the Japanese Egg Salad sandwich consists of 7 basic ingredients: salt, sugar, pepper, milk, mayo, eggs, and bread. That’s it, in most cases. Sometimes there will be additions of small vegetables like radish sprouts or diced scallion, but mostly it’s just those seven things, technically just 3 if you ignore the “pantry staples” of salt, pepper, sugar, and milk. And of course, when it comes to that kind of simplicity in cooking, the key is picking the best ingredients. A lot of people bring up that the eggs used in Japan are much more vividly orange than most US eggs. Well, luckily, I have a secret weapon to match that power.

A filthy secret weapon.

That’s right, it’s CHICKEN TIME. Specifically Blue. The others have all stopped laying for winter, but Blue, being a small bear with feathers, is not deterred by the cold. In fact, in this matter, she is STRONGER than her other ursine brethren, because she doesn’t hibernate. Anyway, we had 4 eggs, washed them off, and got them boiling. You want the eggs hard boiled, but not TOO hard boiled. (By which I mean boil them 12 minutes, not like, 20. That’s when you get the grey ring in the yolk and things get pungent.)

The other big ingredient you’ll need is Japanese mayo!

Look, the mayo is waving at you! Wave back!

Japanese Mayo is subtly distinct from American mayonnaise. If it’s been a while since you thought about mayonnaise, a quick refresher: mayonnaise is basically an emulsion of vinegar/acid, egg, and oil. We’ll talk about the intricacies of the process more on Thursday, but the big thing that Japan does is only use egg YOLKS in their mayo, making it a slightly different color, and giving it more richness. They also use different vinegars…Look, we’ll talk on Thursday. The important thing is that Japanese Mayo DOES taste different than ‘normal’ mayo, and if you want to try some, you can pick it up at specialty retailers like –Safeywai. No, sorry, Safeway.  Seriously, they just have it at Safeway now. Kewpie is a BRAND of Japanese mayo, but it’s like the Instant Pot of that condiment, with plenty of people saying “kewpie mayo” as a stand-in for all Japanese mayo.

They also don’t use a ton of it in most recipes. Mine calls for 2 tbsp for 2 sandwiches worth of salad. Indeed, I don’t use ANY of this bottle in the recipe, because it turns out the only bottle we had expired a year and a half ago, so, with the eggs boiling, I had to run to Safeway to get more. While on the way, I realized the shirt I had on was stained. As you can see, we’re really starting off this “new me” thing with full force: when have I ever had to run to the store mid-recipe, barely dressed, and pissed off?

The last important ingredient is the bread. Japan has what’s called “shokupan”, a word I almost always accidentally screw up for “Shotokan” the first time I say it. And they’re VERY different. Shokupan is Milk Bread, a nice soft white bread. Shotokan is a type of Karate. The only other time you should be confused if you’re talking about food or a beating is when you order a knuckle sandwich.

Which can be served on your Karate bread!

Shokupan translates as “eating bread”, and it’s kind of the Japanese go-to white bread for sandwiches. It’s recently had something of a heyday in the West because people found out that it’s much nicer than normal white bread, being almost wonder-bread like with its moisture and bounciness (yes, somewhat weirdly, these ARE good words for bread. The easiest way to understand it is to remember that dry, stiff bread, the opposite of both qualities, is pretty universally understood to be bad.) despite having fairly simple ingredients. This is due in part to the cooking method of tangzhong, which…basically creates a sort of variant of choux pastry as the core of the bread: a cooked mixture of flour and water, worked together, and incorporated into the bread dough, which also has butter and milk worked into it, adding more fat to keep the bread soft and moist. There’s some weird kneading that goes on, it’s a fascinating process, and one I considered making for today’s post, until I decided not to, because the recipe I had, which was a streamlined and EASY version, was still over 2 hours long. Maybe later. (Also because the lack of preservatives means the bread goes bad quickly: I bought a loaf on Wednesday, and the end piece was already starting to mold on Sunday. So I threw out the last couple pieces and grabbed the four slices I would need to justify buying the loaf.)

Getting the Band Back Together

Once you have your bread, mayo, assorted seasonings, and eggs boiled, it’s time to assemble. I had the eggs popped into cold water after cooking, to help loosen the shell. However, these were fairly fresh eggs, which is why I still had some difficulty peeling the shells. Not a lot, but one egg in particular just did not want to peel.

See if you can guess which one it is.

Once peeled, it was time to mash the eggs, which I did with just a fork. It was surprisingly easy and kind of fun, watching the tines of the fork shred the egg, though I should note this is one place where different chefs will take different approaches. Some will cut the eggs in half, popping out the yolks to mash together, and using larger chunks of egg white. Some will intentionally cook more eggs, and use say, 5 egg yolks to 3 egg whites, creating a salad that is much more yolk-cream suspending chunks of egg white, versus my mixture of small egg white bits in a mix of yolks.

Looks like the yolk is on you, eh?

You’ll also have differences in seasoning, both due to differences in the number of eggs you use, and personal taste. One recipe I saw called for ¼ tsp of sugar, and ½ a tsp of salt for 3 eggs while another called for a whole teaspoon of sugar to a ½ tsp of salt for 5. It’s the kind of thing you’re going to have to experiment with, and that’s going to change based on the kind of sugar and salt use. For instance, I used probably about 3/8s of a tsp of salt for my 4 eggs, and, because I was using Morton’s (a finer-grain salt than the brand used in the recipe I was riffing off of), it was definitely a touch over-salted.

You’ll also see variations on the dairy used. My recipe calls for milk, but heavy cream is another option. The point is really just to add a little more liquid, and a little more fat, so once you’ve got the egg, mayo, and bread, it’s a matter of fine-tuning. You want creamy, eggy salad.

For some reason, the camera REALLY picked up the orange tones in this pic. I assure you, this is not all that much more saturated than the previous shot, but it sure thinks it is.

At this point, you’d think you’re done, but NO, because I LIED about the number of ingredients. Technically. There’s an optional step of buttering the inside of your bread, which will create a layer of oil that will stop the egg salad from soaking into the bread and potentially making it mushy. It’s not strictly necessary, if you’re going to definitely eat the sandwiches in the next few minutes, but if you’re taking them somewhere, it’s a great step, since the relatively high moisture of the filling and the softness of the bread are going to lead to structural instability if left unchecked. But, as an American, ignoring easily preventable issues that will lead to growing structural instability is my historical JAM, so FUCK BUTTER. (I would like to apologize for starting this paragraph telling you to get butter, and ending it telling you to blow it off. For one thing, I’m writing a lot more butter-centric sexual innuendos than intended, and I’m currently hopped up on Airheads.)

Buttered, or bare, slap your goo on those bready cheeks (I don’t know why I’m doing this, and I’m sorry) and the sandwich is ALMOST done: for some reason, EVERY picture of a tamago Sando that I’ve found, and indeed, EVERY Japanese convenience store sandwich I’ve seen in film or real life, has had the crusts cut off. I don’t know why (other than assuming it’s to maintain the softness of the sandwich), but if it’s what the people want, it’s what they’ll get.

Man, I have GOT to figure out how to photograph things that are all the same color. Like, buy a light or something, chief.

All told, as I said before, I think I slightly over-seasoned mine, as it was just a touch more salty than eggy, but texturally, it was quite nice. And for the very low investment of effort (assuming you find shokupan or are willing to accept a different fluffy white bread) it’s a great pay-off. A true konbini classic. (What do you mean I never told them that konbini is the Japanese word for convenience stores, so that finishing line doesn’t mean anything to them? Well go edit it so I did! “I don’t pay you enough?” I don’t pay you at all! You’re not even REAL, because this is just a bit!)

THURSDAY: WE SLATHER ON THE CHARM AS WE TALK MAYO, MIRACLES, AND A HINT OF MUSTARD.

MONDAY: JON BOLDLY DIVES INTO A FRAUGHT TOPIC WITH A RISKY CHOICE. WE’RE MAKING FRIED CHICKEN, AND TELLING A STORY, DAMN IT.

Recipe

Tamago Sando

Makes 2 sandwiches

Ingredients

4 eggs

4 slices of good white bread

½ tsp kosher salt

¼ tsp sugar

2 tbsp Japanese Mayo

2 tsp milk

Freshly ground black pepper to taste

Butter for spreading (optional)

Preparation

1. Boil the eggs (roughly 12 minutes), and peel. Mash with a fork until egg white pieces are roughly equally sized. Add salt, pepper, sugar, milk and mayo, and stir to thoroughly combine.

2. Butter the bread, add the egg salad, cut off the crusts, and serve.